Wired - I think I've figured it out

He's not taking his clothes off the hangers. There's that strange wire thingy in his T-shirt...

Salon has published an "expert" opinion.

"There's no question about it. It's a pretty obvious one -- larger than most because it probably has descrambling capability," said Alex Darbut, technical and business development vice president for Resistance Technology in Arden Hills, Minn. Darbut examined photographs of the president's back taken from the Fox News video feed at the first presidential debate in Coral Gables, Fla., as well as 2002 photos of the president driving and working in a T-shirt on his Crawford ranch, which were posted on the White House Web site.

Darbut speculates that the device the president wears is provided by the Secret Service, noting, "They're not going to have him driving around the countryside on his ranch without being in instant contact with him."

Wouldn't it just be easier to have a phone in his truck? Just asking.

But hey, I'm up for the game.....maybe the wire thing explains why he was so pissed off about somebody at the Queen's place in London capturing a picture of him in his T-shirt. He came this close to having somebody see him getting wired. It's just all starting to fall into place, isn't it? Or maybe that's the wire they use to hang him in the closet when they put him away for the evening.

On Tuesday, in response to repeated questions from Salon, the Bush camp finally issued a flat denial. Campaign spokesman Reed Dickens denied that Bush has ever used an electronic device to aid his public speaking, insisting the president was wearing "nothing during the debates."

Dude! Can I quote you on that? The Emperor has no clothes.

On Tuesday, the New York Daily News produced a master tailor named Frank Shattuck who, after viewing photos from both debates, confirmed, "There's definitely something there, in between the shoulder blades. I can't say what it is, but it's not hidden very well. They should have come to me. I can hide a pistol under the breast."

Oh no! Just what The General was talking about!

And fire that damned French tailor who makes those puckery suits.

When asked about the pictures taken at the Bush ranch, Dickens said the president has never used any devices except for cutting tools and earplugs to protect his ears from the high-decibel chainsaw. Nor has the Secret Service outfitted Bush with a hidden communications device, according to Dickens: "He doesn't need something like that because the Secret Service is always with him. They ride in the truck in the back. Wherever he goes, they're with him."

Of course they are. By the droves, from what I've seen and read.

So anyway, just what is that wire thingy under his T-shirt?

Somebody is right this minute combing every single tape of presidential appearances. One thing's for certain. Butthead doesn't have to worry about watching his back any more. Everybody will be doing it for him.